Fairly Oddparents in Clue the Movie
by Atemu's Sister
Summary: We all know the world-famous Clue board game. Well now Fairly Oddparnts are in the Game. With 3 suprprise ending. Starting Timmy,Tixie, Chip, Cosmo, Wanda, Cosmos, Ahprodite & Jorgen.
1. Welcome to Hill House host Timmy Tunner

1 -- EXT. Timmy's Car--TWILIGHT -- 1 Timmy's car travels through the wind of an oncoming storm. It pulls up to the gate of Hill House. Hill House is a large, imposing mansion, looking very New England. Timmy takes out a key and unlocks the gate. He drives the car up to the front door.   
  
2 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR -- 2 Timmy exits the car, holding a bag and looking at the two barking guard dogs. The dogs approach Timmy . . . then jump. Timmy quickly pulls a big beef bone out of the bag and hurls it to them. The dogs trot away to gnaw on the bone as Timmy rolls up the bag. Timmy cinches their chain so it won't allow them to reach the door. He steps toward the door . . . and sniffs. Timmy pauses and checks the bottom of his feet. Dog crap. He looks in disgust at the dogs, who aren't bothered at all.   
  
3 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 3 The Hall of Hill House is remarkable, elegant but not gaudy. It is furnished in dark wood, and brass, with crystal chandeliers. There are several doors on each side of the hall and three at the end. To the left: Lounge and dining room. To the right: Study, library, and billiard room. The end: Conservatory, ball room, bathroom, and kitchen. The stairs are located to the right. By the staircase is the door to the basement steps. We hear "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" in the background. Timmy opens the front door of Hill House and wipes off his foot. He enters and hangs up his coat.Timmy steps briskly down the Hall steps toward the library. 


	2. To

To: Nov-chan, Thank U, For U let me use Ahpirodite in the story. I drew Ahpirodite for U it going to be on PrettyDarkMagicianGirl Soon I probmel. Here a Pics of Cosmos Pic of Cosmos Wyatt Cosmo  
  
or http://ctgameinfo.com/fanart/pictures.php?op=picture&picture=10319 Oh yeah is story is next because Cosmo & Wanda are not married. It a Year lee thnig Fairlys do. some different 


	3. Timmy & Jorgen

4 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 4 The library is a somewhat more comfortable room than the hall, composed of dark colors. All of the walls are covered with books, with the exception of one wall, a window. Tixie, a young and rather jiggly french maid, is polishing a glass. The music is much louder. Timmy enters and turns off the record player. The music stops. He speaks to the maid in a proper English accent. Timmy Is everything ready? She replies in a French accent. Tixie Oui, monsieur. Timmy You have your instructions? Tixie nods. Timmy exits. Tixie sniffs the air, and then examines the bottom of her shoes.   
  
5 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 5 The kitchen is white tile, narrow. There is a meat freezer to the right. A counter leads off to the left. MRS. HO, the cook, is sharpening a knife. Joseph McCarthy is speaking on the television in the background. Timmy. TIMMY Is everything all right, Mrs. Ho? She turns, knife in hand. MRS. HO Dinner will be ready at seven-thirty. The doorbell rings. Timmy exits the kitchen.   
  
6 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR--NIGHT -- 6 A man is standing by the front door, being growled at by the dogs. He is not comfortable.   
  
7 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 7 Wadsworth opens the door. TIMMY Good evening. MAN Good evening. I don't know if-- TIMMY Yes, indeed, sir, you are expected, Colonel Jorgen. May I take your coat? It is Colonel Jorgen, isn't it? JORGEN No, that's not my name. My name is Colonel-- TIMMY Pardon me, sir, but tonight you may well feel obliged to my employer for the use of an alias. Jorgen sniffs around and checks his shoe as Timmy hangs his coat. The pair starts across the hall. JORGEN And who are you, sir? TIMMY I'm Timmy, sir. The butler. 


	4. Meet Aphrodite

9 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR -- 9 A woman dressed in black stands here. Timmy opens the door.   
  
10 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 10 TIMMY Do come in, madam. You are expected. WOMAN Do you know who I am? TIMMY Only that you are to be known as Aphrodite. APHRODITE Yes, it said so in the letter. But, why . . . ? Timmy removes her coat, with a brilliantly white inside. Aphrodite sniffs and checks her shoe.   
  
11 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 11 Tixie and Col. Jorgen are here. Jorgen is sipping Cognac and glancing at Tixie. The doors open, the left one into Col. Jorgen. TIMMY Ah. May I introduce you? Aphrodite, this is Tixie, the maid. (The two women react with disgust) I see you know each other. Aphrodite turns away as Col. Jorgen emerges from behind the door. APHRODITE Hello. JORGEN Hello.   
  
12 -- EXT. ROADSIDE -- 12 A slim woman is standing by her broken down car. An owl can be heard. She hits the car, obviously frustrated. Thunder roars in the distance. The woman sees headlights a short way away. She smoothes her dress. As the car nears, she bends over the engine and lifts a leg. the car screeches to a halt just past her and backs up. The woman goes to the car and peers in. MAN'S VOICE Want a lift? WOMAN (sultry) Yes, please . . . She gets in.   
  
13 -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 13 WOMAN Thanks. I'm late for a dinner date. MAN Me too. Where are you going? The woman pulls out a sheet of paper. WOMAN (looking at paper) Let's see . . . Hill House. Off Route 41. MAN Wait a minute. Let me look at that. (takes paper) That's where I'm going. I got a letter like this. They both look disturbed.   
  
14 -- EXT. CAR -- 14 The rain has started. The windshield wipers start as the car pulls away. 


	5. Hello Wanda, Cosmo, Chip & Cosmos

15 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 15 We see a middle aged woman. TIMMY (O.S.): And this is Wanda. JORGEN: How do you do? AHPIRODITE: Hello. TIMMY: Tixie, will you go and check that dinner will be ready as soon as all the guests have arrived? Tixie nods. Wanda stares disapprovingly at Tixie's exposed cleavage. Tixie exits the library. The doorbell rings.   
  
16 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT DOOR -- 16 It is now raining quite hard. A man is standing at the door, much like Col. Jorgen was. The dogs, of course, are growling. Timmy opens the door. MAN Is this the right address to meet Vicky? TIMMY: Oh, you must be Cosmo. COSMOS: Yes . . . TIMMY: (to dogs) Sit! Como frantically sits on a bench by the door. TIMMY: No. Not you, sir. Cosmo sheepishly gets up and enters the house.   
  
17 -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 17 WOMAN: It should be just off there.   
  
17a -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--VIEW FROM FRONT GATE -- 17a   
  
17b -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 17b MAN: That must be it.   
  
17c -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--VIEW FROM FRONT GATE -- 17c Lightning crashes, illuminating the house.   
  
17d -- INT. MAN'S CAR -- 17d WOMAN: Why is the car stopped? MAN: It's frightened.   
  
17e -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT GATE -- 17e The car is started again and it rolls up the driveway.   
  
18 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 18 Lightning crashes, making Cosmo gulp.   
  
19 -- EXT. HILL HOUSE--FRONT--DRIVEWAY -- 19 The man and woman exit their car and run for the front door. The man shields the woman from the now heavy rain. MAN: What a godforsaken place! He squeezes one of the woman's buttocks. She shakes his hand off, looking disgusted. The door opens, revealing Timmy. TIMMY: Chip! And Comos. I didn't realize you were acquainted. COSMOS: (glancing at Chip) We weren't. They enter.   
  
20 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--LIBRARY -- 20 The doors open to reveal Chip and Cosmos. TIMMY: May I present Chip . . . and Lady Cosmos. Nods all around. Chip and Cosmos receive wine glasses from Tixie, whom Chip eyes. Chip clinks glasses with Cosmos, who looks annoyed. TIMMY: Of course, since you've each been addressed by a pseudonym, you'll have realized that nobody here is being addressed by their real name. The guests glance around suspiciously.   
  
21 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 21 Mrs. Ho bangs a bong once, fiercely.   
  
22 -- INT. LIBRARY -- 22 The gong is heard a second time. Cosmo. jumps at the sound, dumping his champagne on Wanda. TIMMY: (calmly, as always) Ah. Dinner. COSMO: (hands Wanda his glass, starts to mop her up as she clucks) I'm sorry . . . I'm a little accident-prone . . .   
  
23 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 23 The guests cross to the Dining Room. 


	6. Dinner & Study

24 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--DINING ROOM -- 24 The dining room is elegant, in similar decor to the Hall, but it is somewhat more comfortable. However, the room is still small. At one end, there is a door and a metal partition, both leading to the kitchen. The guests file in. TIMMY You'll find your names beside your places. Please be seated. The guests, except for Col. Jorgen, find their places and sit. Timmy sets Cosmos's drink on the table, to her pleasure. JORGEN (indicating the head of the table) Is this place for you? TIMMY Oh, indeed, no, sir. I'm merely a humble butler. JORGEN And what exactly do you do? TIMMY I buttle, sir. JORGEN Which means what? TIMMY The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything . . . tidy. That's all. Col. Jorgen attempts to continue but is interrupted by Wanda. WANDA Well, what's all this about, butler; this dinner party? TIMMY "Ours is not to reason why . . . Ours is but to do and die" CHIP "Die"? TIMMY (smiling) Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson. JORGEN (now seated next to Cosmos) Hm. I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." (to Cosmos) You like Kipling, Cosmos? COSMOS Sure, I'll eat anything. Tixie enters carrying a tray. TIXIE (to Wanda) Sharks' Fin Soup, Madame. Jorgen (again indicating head) So is this for our host? TIMMY No, sir. For the seventh guest, Vicky. AHPTRODITE I thought Vicky was our host? The guests all concur. AHPTRODITE So who is our host, Mr. Timmy? Timmy chuckles with a closed smile. CHIP Well, I want to start, while it's still hot. WANDA Oh, now shouldn't we wait for the other guest? TIXIE I will keep somesing warm for eem. COSMOS What did you have in mind, dear? Silence. Chip slurps soup from his spoon. Aphirodite disapproves, then does the same. Jorgen, Cosmos, and Cosmo stare at them, spoons poised near mouths. They do it again. Silence. WANDA (breathlessly) Well, someone's got to break the ice, and it might as well be me. I mean, I'm used to being a hostess; it's part of my husband's work, and it's always difficult when a group of new friends meet together for the first time to get acquainted, so I'm perfectly prepared to start the ball rolling . . . I mean, I have absolutely no idea what we're doing here, or what I'm doing here, or what this place is about, but I am determined to enjoy myself and I'm very intrigued and oh, my, this soup's delicious isn't it? Everyone sits bewildered. AHPIRODITE You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work? WANDA Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a. . . oh, but then I forgot we're not supposed to say who we really are, though heavens to Betsy, I don't know why. JORGEN Don't you. COSMO I know who you are. COSMOS Aren't you going to tell us? WANDA (removes glasses nervously) How do you know who I am? COSMO I work in Washington, too. CHIP Oh, so you're a politician's wife. WANDA Yes, I-I am. JORGEN Well, come on, then. Who's your husband? Suddenly, Timmy opens the door from the kitchen. WANDA (to Ahpirodite) So, what does your husband do?AHPIRODITE (almost cutting her off) Nothing. WANDA Nothing? AHPIRODITE Well, he . . . just . . . lies around on his back all day. COSMOS Sounds like hard work to me. Tixie, in the kitchen, opens the partition suddenly. The noise coincides with a crash of thunder. Cosmo, jumpy as ever, spills his drink again, this time on Cosmos. COSMO I'm . . . sorry. I'm afraid I'm a little accident-prone. He starts to wipe off her upper chest. COSMOS Ah--watch it. He stops. Tixie starts serving food. TIXIE Excuse moi. The guests start eating. WANDA Mmm! This is one of my favorite recipes! TIMMY I know, madam. WANDA So, what do you do in Washington, D.C., Cosmo? No answer. WANDA Come on, what do you do? I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves? COSMOS (angrily) Perhaps he doesn't want to get acquainted with you. WANDA (bothered) Well, I'm sure I don't know, but if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going, then we would just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence. CHIP Are you afraid of silence, Wanda? WANDA Yes! What? No, why? CHIP Oh, it just seems to me that you seem to suffer from what we call pressure of speech. COSMOS "We"? Who's "we"? Are you a shrink? CHIP I do know a little bit about psychological medicine, yes. AHPIRODITE Are you a doctor? CHIP I am, but I don't practice. COSMOS Practice makes perfect. Ha. I think most men need a little practice, don't you, Wanda? Wanda shrugs, very uncomfortable. AHPIRODITE So what do you do, Chip? CHIP I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization. JORGEN Another politician. Jesus! CHIP No, I work for a branch of UNO. W.H.O., the World Health Organization. WANDA Well, what is your area of special concern? CHIP Family planning. (to Jorgen) What about you, Colonel? Are you a real colonel? JORGEN (seriously) I am, sir. COSMOS You're not going to mention the coincidence that you also live in Washington, D.C.? JORGEN How did you know that? Have we met before? COSMOS I've certainly seen you before. Although you may not have seen me. COSMO So, Cosmos, does this mean that you live in Washington, too? COSMOS Sure do. WANDA Does anyone here not live in Washington, D.C.? CHIP I don't. COSMO Yes, but you work for the United Nations. That's a government job. And the rest of us all live in a government town. Anyone here not earn their living from the government in one way or another? Col. Jorgen stands suddenly. JORGEN (angrily, to Timmy) Timmy, where's our host, and why have we been brought here? The doorbell rings. Timmy exits. We hear the door opening and Timmy speaks. TIMMY (O.S.) Ah! Good evening. You are eagerly awaited. MAN (O.S.) You lockin' me in? I'll take the key. TIMMY (O.S.) Over my dead body, sir. May I take your bag? MAN (O.S.) No. I'll leave it here 'til I need it. TIMMY (O.S.) It contains evidence, I presume? MAN (O.S.) Surprises, my friend. That's what it contains--surprises! Timmy enters the dining room, followed by the man. TIMMY Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Vicky. VICKY What are they all doin' here? TIMMY Eating dinner. Do sit down, VICKY. VICKY (sitting) Thanks. Tixie starts to serve him VICKY Nah, you can take that away, honey. Wanda hits the table. WANDA (angrily) Look. I demand to know what's going on. Now why have we all been dragged up to this horrible place? TIMMY Well. I believe we all received a letter. My letter says, "It will be to your advantage to be present on this date because a Vicky will bring to an end a certain long-standing confidential and painful financial liability." It is signed, "A friend." COSMO I received a similar letter. COSMOS So did we, didn't we. (indicating Chip) VICKY I also received a letter. (Tixie starts to serve him again) No thanks, Tixie. I just ate. COSMO Now, how did you know her name? VICKY We know each other. (puts his hand up Tixie's (short) skirt) Don't we, dear? She recoils. TIMMY Forgive my curiosity, Vicky, but did your letter say the same thing? VICKY No. TIMMY I see . . . (to group) Can I interest any of you in fruit or dessert? No response. TIMMY In that case, may I suggest we adjourn to the study for coffee and brandy, at which point I believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions.   
  
25 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 25 The study is by far the most comfortable room we've seen so far. It is decorated in subdued tan colors. There are several couches, a bookshelf, a table with drinks, and a desk. The guests enter and look around for their host. COSMO Well, there's no one here. TIMMY (to the guests in general) Please help yourself to brandy and be seated. Timmy goes to the desk and takes a manilla envelope. It reads For Timmy Open AFTER DINNER. AHPIRODITE Mind if I smoke? Chip, seated next to Comos, lights her cigarette. Timmy opens the envelope. He peruses the contents. TIMMY Ladies and gentlemen, I'm instructed to you what you all have in common with each other. Unless you would care to do the honors, Vicky? VICKY Why me? They know who I am? TIMMY I don't think so. You've never identified yourself to them, I believe. Vicky stands suddenly. VICKY It's a hoax! I suggest we all leave. He takes off out the study door. TIMMY (in pursuit) I'm sorry, sir, you cannot leave this house! 


	7. Run Away

26 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 26 Vicky goes to the front door. Timmy follows, and he is followed by the other guests. VICKY: No? Who's gonna stop me? TIMMY: There's no way out. (Vicky tries the front door. It's locked.) All the windows have bars, all the doors are locked. VICKY: This is an outrage! You can't hold us prisoner! The guests, in confusion, agree. TIMMY: (shouting over the din) Ladies and gentlemen, please! Please return to the study. Everything will be explained. The guests file unhappily back into the study. Vicky walks past Timmy toward the rear of the hall. TIMMY: (to Vicky) You too, Vicky. Vicky starts running. TIMMY: Other way! He pursues Vicky.   
  
27 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--CONSERVATORY -- 27 The conservatory is humid, with plants all around. Three of the walls are brick, and the fourth is glass, leading to the outside. The rain can be heard and seen, against the glass. Vicky runs in, picks up a brick and prepares to throw it through the glass. Timmy enters. TIMMY: You can't get out that way. VICKY: Why not? It's only glass! Suddenly, a vicious Doberman jumps at the glass, barking and snarling. Boddy drops the brick. 


	8. BlackMail & Wapons

28 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 28 The guests are already present. Timmy and Vicky enter. Timmy takes up his envelope again. TIMMY: Ladies and gentlemen, you all have one thing in common. You're all being blackmailed. For some considerable time, all of you have been paying what you can afford and, in some cases, more than you can afford to someone who threatens to expose you. And none of you know who's blackmailing you, do you? WANDA: Oh, please! I've never heard anything so ridiculous. I mean, nobody could blackmail me. My life is an open book--I've never done anything wrong. TIMMY: Anybody else wish to deny it? The guests look at each other, but no one responds. TIMMY: Very well. As everyone here is in the same boat, there's no harm in my revealing some details. And my instructions are to do so. Thank you, Tixie. The maid, so dismissed, leaves. Vicky's eyes follow her out. AHPIRODITE: Don't you think you might spare us this humiliation? TIMMY: I'm sorry. Chip, you were once a professor of psychiatry, specializing in helping paranoid and homicidal lunatics suffering from delusions of grandeur. CHIP: Yes, but now I work for the United Nations. TIMMY: So your work has not changed. But you don't practice medicine at the U.N. His license to practice has bee lifted, correct? COSMOS: Why? What did he do? TIMMY: You know what doctors aren't allowed to do with their lady patients? COSMOS: Yeah? TIMMY: Well, he did. COSMOS: Ha! WANDA: Oh, how disgusting. TIMMY: (swooping down on her) Are you making moral judgements, Wanda? How, then, do you justify taking bribes in return for delivering your husband Senator Comos's vote to certain lobbyists? WANDA: My husband is a paid consultant. There is nothing wrong with that! TIMMY: Not if it's publicly declared, perhaps. But if the payment is delivered by slipping used greenbacks in plain envelopes under the door of the men's room, how would you describe that transaction? COSMOS: I'd say it stinks. WANDA: Well, how would you know. When were you in that men's room? CHIP: So it's true! WANDA: (standing) No, it's a vicious lie! TIMMY: I'm sure we're all glad to hear that. But you've been paying blackmail for over a year now to keep that story out of the papers. AHPIRODITE: (to Wanda) Well, I am willing to believe you. I too am being blackmailed for something I didn't do. COSMO: Me too. JORGEN: And me. COSMOS: Not me. TIMMY: You're not being blackmailed? COSMOS: Oh, I'm being blackmailed, all right. But I did what I'm being blackmailed for. CHIP: (with interest) What did you do? COSMOS: Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provide gentlemen with the company of a young lady for a short while. CHIP: (very interested) Oh, yeah? (pulling out a pen and notepad) What's the phone number? Cosmos rolls her eyes. COSMO: So how did you know Colonel Jorgen works in Washington? Is he one of your clients? JORGEN: (incredulous) Certainly not! COSMO: I was asking Lady Cosmos. JORGEN: (to Cosmos) Well, you tell him it's not true! COSMOS: It's not true. CHIP: Is that true? COSMOS: No, it's not true. COSMO: Ha-hah! So it is true! TIMMY: A double negative! JORGEN: Double "negative"? You mean you have-- (whispers to Cosmos) Photographs? TIMMY: That sounds like a confession to me. In fact, the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away. JORGEN: Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests? TIMMY: You don't need any help from me, sir. JORGEN: That's right! Jorgen realizes what he just said. CHIP: But seriously, I don't see what's so terrible about Colonel Jorgen visiting a house of ill fame. (puts his hand on Cosmos's leg) Most soldiers do, don't they? COSMOS: (standing) Oh, please. TIMMY: But he holds a sensitive security post in the pentagon. And, Colonel, you drive a very expensive car for someone who lives on a colonel's pay. JORGEN: I don't. I came into money during the war, when I lost my mommy and daddy. Timmy is puzzled, but soon recovers. TIMMY: Ahpirodite, you've been paying our friend the blackmailer ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances. Cosmos laughs. AHPIRODITE: Why is that funny? COSMOS: I see. That's why he was lying on his back. In his coffin. AHPIRODITE: I didn't kill him. JORGEN: Then why are you paying the blackmailer? AHPIRODITE: I don't want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation, he was deranged . . . lunatic. He didn't actually seem to like me very much, he had threatened to kill me in public. COSMOS: Why would he want to kill you in public? TIMMY: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her. COSMOS: Oh. And was that his final word on the matter? AHPIRODITE: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say? TIMMY: And yet he was the one who died, not you, Ahpirodite, not you. COSMOS: What did he do for a living? AHPIRODITE: He was a scientist. Nuclear physics. COSMOS: What was he like? AHPIRODITE: He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to him when he died. But he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off and so had his . . . you know . . . The men in the room cross their legs. AHPIRODITE: I had been out all evening at the movies. COSMOS: Do you miss him? AHPIRODITE: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life. TIMMY: But he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared. AHPIRODITE: But that was his job. He was an illusionist. TIMMY: But he never reappeared. AHPIRODITE: (shrugging) He wasn't a very good illusionist. Cosmo clears his throat and stands. COSMO: I have something to say. (pauses) I'm not going to wait for Timmy here to unmask me. I work for the state department. And I am a homosexual. Timmy, wide-eyed, looks for Cosmo's file. Wanda clucks in disgust. COSMO: I feel no personal shame or guilt about this. But I must keep it a secret or I will lose my job on security grounds. (pauses again) . . . Thank you. Cosmo sits back down next to Chip, who rapidly stands and walks away. CHIP: Well, that just leaves Vicky. COSMOS: What's your little secret? TIMMY: Her secret? Oh, hadn't you guessed? Her's the one who's blackmailing you all. Lightning crashes. Vicky looks very satisfied. JORGEN: You bastard! The guests advance on Vicky as her stands. Col. Jorgen challenges Vicky to fight, boxing-style. JORGEN: Put 'em up! Vicky steps on the Colonel's toes and pokes him in the eyes. COSMO: Gentlemen . . . JORGEN: If you can't fight fairly, don't fight at all! VICKY: Calls me a bastard! Cosmo and the others try to separate them as Colonel Jorgen recovers and Vicky goes for him. Cosmos decides to take matters into her own hands and knees Vicky in the crotch. COSMO: Was that necessary, Cosmos? Why Wanda & Ahpirodite are in the back cheer Cosmos on. TIMMY: Wait! Wait! The police are coming! The guests disapprove. TIMMY: Listen! Blackmail depends on secrecy. You've all admitted how her's been able to blackmail you. All you have to do is tell the police, he'll be convicted, and your troubles will be over. VICKY: (standing, in pain) 's not so easy. You'll never tell the police. TIMMY: Then I shall. I have evidence in my possession, and this conversation is being tape recorded.   
  
28a -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 28a Tixie in the Billiard room, drinking cognac and listening to a tape recorder that is recording. COSMO: (Voice) Point of order--tape recordings are not admissible evidence!   
  
28b -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 28b The study. General confusion ensues. TIMMY; Ladies and gentlemen, the police will be here in about (checks his watch) forty-five minutes. Tell them the truth, and Vicky will be behind bars. Vicky goes for the hall. Timmy stops them. TIMMY: Where are you going this time? VICKY: I think I can help them make up their minds. Can I just get my little bag from the hall? Vicky exits.   
  
28c -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 28c The Hall. Vicky gets her bags from by the front door.   
  
28d -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 28d The study. Vicky opens her luggage. VICKY: Who can guess what's in here, eh? WANDA: The evidence against us, no doubt. Vicky chuckles. Her starts handing out boxes, each with a different size and shape. COSMOS: We didn't know we were meeting you tonight. Did you know you were meeting us? VICKY: Oh, yes. AHPIRODITE: What were you told, precisely? VICKY: Merely that you were all meeting to discuss our little . . . financial arrangements. And if I did not appear, Timmy would be informing the police about it all. Naturally I could hardly resist putting in an appearance. He finishes handing out the packages. VICKY: (elbowing her way to the door) 'Scuse me. (eyeing the packages) Open 'em. COSMOS: Why not? I enjoy getting presents from strange women. Cosmos opens her package. A candlestick. COSMOS: A candlestick? What's this for? Ahpirodite opens her box and reveals a rope-tied in a noose. Cosmo takes his box in one hand. He opens it and lets the contents fall into his other hand. A bent lead pipe. Col. Jorgen opens his box and pulls out . . . a heavy wrench. Chip takes the lid off his package and looks in. He gingerly pulls out a revolver. Finally, the camera reveals Wanda, who is twirling a dagger. VICKY: (O.S.) In your hands, you each have a lethal weapon. Vicky walks on camera and continues. VICKY: If you denounce me to the police, you will also be exposed and humiliated. I'll see to that in court. (pauses) But . . . if one of you kills Timmy now . . . Timmy"s eyes widen in shock. VICKY: . . . no one but the seven of us will ever know. He has the key to the front door, which he said would only be opened over his dead body. I suggest we take him up on that offer. Vicky goes over to the light switch with deliberate ease. He closes the door to the hall and sets her drink down. VICKY: The only way to avoid finding yourselves on the front pages is for one of you to kill Timmy. Now. Her turns off the lights. We hear noises. Someone inhales raspily. A gunshot. Something ceramic shatters. A scream. The lights go up. Wanda, who turned on the light, drops the dagger in shock. The camera reveals Vicky lying prone on the floor. JORGEN: It's not Timmy! The guests talk to each other. CHIP: Stand back! Give hER air! (kneels next to Vicky) Let me see. (checks Vicky for signs of life) Her's dead! AHPIRODITE: Who had the gun? CHIP: I did. COSMOS: Then you shot her! CHIP: I didn't! WANDA: Well, you had the gun. If you didn't shoot her, who did? Vicky is turned over. CHIP: Nobody! Look, there's no gunshot wound. Somebody tried to grab the gun from me in the dark and the gun went off. Look! The bullet broke that vase on the mantel! Everyone rushes for the mantel simultaneously, causing confusion. JORGEN: He's absolutely right. Look, there's a bullet hole here in the wall. See that? Cosmo grabs Chip by the lapels. COSMO: How did he die? CHIP: I don't know! (shoves him away) I'm not a forensic expert. COSMOS: Well, one of us must have killed her! COSMO: Well, I didn't do it. WANDA: Oh, I need a drink! She goes to the door and gets Vicky's cognac. She sips. CHIP: (alarmed) Maybe he was poisoned! Wanda drops the glass in revulsion and starts to scream. She won't stop. Cosmo takes her to a sofa, offering words of comfort. She sits, but won't stop screaming. Cosmo slaps her. COSMO: I . . . I had to stop her from screaming . . . CHIP: (to Cosmo) Was the brandy poisoned? COSMO: I don't know. AHPIRODITE: (picks up the glass. All the cognac has spilled out) Looks like we'll never know. COSMOS: Unless . . . unless she dies, too. They all rush over to scrutinize Wanda. A scream erupts from another room! The guests gasp. They run from the study into the hall. 


	9. Why Are We Here

29 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 29 The guests run to the door of the billiard room. Cosmo tries it. COSMO: It's locked! TIMMY: Open up! CHIP: It must be the murderer. COSMO: Why would he scream? AHPIRODITE: He must have a victim in there. Oh, my God! Tixie! COSMO: Oh, my God! The doors open.   
  
30 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--BILLIARD ROOM -- 30 The guests pour in. TIMMY: You're alive! TIXIE: No sanks to you! TIMMY: What do you mean? TIXIE: You lock me up with a murderer, you eediot! AHPIRODITE: So the murderer is in this room. TIXIE: Mai Oui! COSMO: But where? TIXIE: Where? 'Ere! Cosmo looks behind the door. TIXIE: We are all looking at eem. Or 'er. Is what Ahpirodite said in ze study--one of you is ze killer! CHIP: How did you know we said that? TIXIE: I was lisuning! AHPIRODITE: But why were you screaming in here all by yourself? TIXIE: Because I am frightened. Me too, I also drink ze cognac. (sobbing) Mon diou. I can't stay in here by myself. Lady Cosmos and Col. Jorgen go to Tixie. COSMOS: Come back to the study with us. TIXIE: With ze murderer? JORGEN: (shaking the wrench) There is safety in numbers . . . (realizing and putting the wrench away) . . . my dear. The guests leave the room. After they are gone, Timmy takes the tape off the spools.   
  
31 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 31 COSMO: Is there no indication of how he died? CHIP: No. TIMMY: This is terrible. This is absolutely terrible! It's not what I'd intended. Oh, my God . . . WANDA: Not what YOU intended? COSMOS: So you're not the butler? TIMMY: I'm not THE butler, but I am A butler. In fact, I was his butler. CHIP: So if he told you to invite us all to his house, why did he arrive late? TIMMY: I invited you. In fact, I wrote the letters. It was all my idea. AHPIRODITE: Wait a minute. I-I don't understand. Why did you invite us here to meet your late employer? Were you assisting her to blackmail us? TIMMY: Certainly not! COSMOS: I think you had better explain. TIMMY: Please sit down. Everyone. Everyone sits but Cosmo. He searches for a spot, but no one gives it to him. He ends up leaning against a serving table. TIMMY: When I said that I was Vicky's butler, this was both true and misleading. I was once her butler, but it was not her untimely death this evening that brought my employment with her to an end. JORGEN: When did it come to an end? TIMMY: When my wife decided to . . . end her life. She too was being blackmailed by this odious woman who now lies dead before us. Her hated my wife for the same reason that her hated all of you. Her believed that you were all thoroughly . . . . . . UN-AMERICAN. Cosmo's serving table gives way, landing him (and several pieces of crystal) on the floor. COSMO: Sorry. TIMMY: For some reason, her felt that it was inappropriate for a senator to have a corrupt wife, for a doctor to take advantage of his patients, for a wife to emasculate her husband and . . . and . . . so forth. COSMO: But this is ridiculous! If her was such a patriotic American, why didn't her just report us to the authorities? TIMMY: Her decided to put her information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that? Several nods. CHIP: And what was your role in all this? TIMMY: I was . . . a victim, too. At least my wife was. She had friends who were . . . (this is obviously painful for him) . . . Socialists. Gasps and muttering from several guests, the most vocal of whom is Wanda. TIMMY: (holding back tears) Well, we all make mistakes . . . (Ahpirodite pulls a tissue from her bra and gives it to him.) TIMMY: But Vicky threatened to give my wife's name to the House Un-American Activities Committee unless she named them. She refused, and so her blackmailed her. We had no money, and the price of her silence was that we worked for her for nothing. We were slaves! Well, to make a long story short-- JORGEN: Too late. TIMMY: --The suicide of my wife preyed on my mind, and created a sense of injustice in me. I resolved to put Vicky behind bars. It seemed to be the best way to do it, and to free all of you from the same burden of blackmail was to get everyone face to face, confront Vicky with her crimes, and then . . . . . . turn her over to the police. CHIP: So, everything is explained. COSMOS: Nothing's explained. We still don't know who killed her! TIMMY: Well, the point is, we've got to find out in the next thirty-nine minutes. Before the police arrive! WANDA: My God, we can't have them come here now-- COSMO: But . . . how can we possibly find out which of you did it? CHIP: What do you mean which of "you" did it? COSMO: Well, I didn't do it! TIMMY: Well, one of us did. We all had the opportunity, we all had a motive. COSMOS: Great. We'll all go to the chair. CHIP: Maybe it wasn't one of us. JORGEN: Well, who else could it have been? CHIP: Who else is in the house? Timmy and Tixie Only the (ze) cook. ALL: The cook!   
  
32 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE HALL -- 32 The party runs from the study to the Kitchen. 


	10. Something Funny to think about

Hi , it me Yami Chibi Chibi (Yami Chibi, I hate went ppl call me at u can call me Yami, Chibi Chibi or Chib's.) Well not be mean that all but we all are losers. I'm sorry, but it true I'm even call myself a losers too. It fun why i say is beacuse Cosmo & Wanda have think 4 or 5 children. I'm show u. first...  
  
Yami Chibi Chibi = Cosmos Wyatt Cosmo  
  
Nova-Chan = Ahpirodite Cosmo  
  
Mirai Saiyan Princess = MG Cosmo  
  
CosmoGal14 = Candice Cosmo  
  
JediWanda = twin Spark Cosmo & Rick Cosmo  
  
Sorry but make it my but can u say the your Fairly and for me Whitelighter. But did your Fairly act like u. I mean to summry me up well I look like Serenity (YuGiOh), Dark Magician Girl YuGiOh), Marron (DBZ/GT), Rini (Sailor Moon) (well it many lee how my hair look.) And act like Bra, Pan,Rini, Hotura,and some other chrarter but I note that Sasami ( Pokemon), Rini (Dragonball Z/Gt), Danielle (Dragonball Gt),Valencia (YuGiOh), Tsuanmi (YuGiOh), Cosmos (Fairly Oddparents), Toonamia (Tenchi), Wanda (Charmed), Pagie (FRIENDS), Jenny (Jimmy), Take have me. Well it just something to think about and lauge that. 


	11. I HAVE A IDEA!

I HAVE A IDEA!  
  
Sorry I'm a Blonde, and to the other Blondes sorry about is I'm VERY Legally Blonde.  
  
Now for My Idea, Everbody ho make up a Son or Daughter of Cosmo & Wanda or for everyone who make up a character on Fairly Oddparents. I want to talk to u all. become i want to write a story but... I want it to be with everybody. U know ALL OF US WRITE ONE BIG FAIRLY ODDPARENTS FANFICTION. I know how to do is became i have one but not in the FOP. it easy to do. but need u help e-mail me at SaiyanRini@aol.com (not at Ash_Sasami@sailormoon.com it is one of my e-mail address but do write to me on it) just use my aol one SaiyanRini@aol.com or IM me at SaiyanRini (SaiyanRini is other for AOL IM) Thank U!  
  
Bye Bye for Now,   
  
Yami Chibi Chibi 


	12. Well, Cook is Dead

33 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--KITCHEN -- 33 They all get stuck in the door, except for Cosmo. He steps down into the kitchen and looks around. COSMO: Well. She's not here. The door to the freezer starts to open. Cosmos screams. The cook's body tumbles out into Cosmo's arms. She now has the dagger sticking out of her back. Mrs. Ho was not (and is not) a light woman. He is having difficulty holding her. COSMO: I didn't do it!! (pause) Somebody help me, please? (nobody moves) Somebody help me, PLEASE? Several guests go to help. Ahpirodite reaches for the knife. JORGEN: Don't touch it. That's evidence. Ahpirodite Not for us. We have to find out who did this. We can't take fingerprints! JORGEN: (to Timmy) I think you'd better explain yourself, Timmy. TIMMY: Me? Why me? COSMO: Who would want to kill the cook? COSMOS: Dinner wasn't that bad. JORGEN: How can you make jokes at a time like this? COSMOS: It's my defense mechanism. JORGEN: Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next. (Several guests look shocked) COSMOS: Oh? (Uncomfortable silence) JORGEN: I said "if." "If"! (pause) Hey, come on. There is only one admitted killer here, and it is certainly not me, it is her! He points at Ahpirodite. AHPIRODITE: I've admitted nothing. JORGEN: Well, you paid the blackmail. How many husbands have you had? AHPIIRPDITE: Mine or other women's? JORGEN: Yours. AHPIRODITE: Five. JORGEN: Five. AHPIRODITE: Yes, just the five. Husbands should be like Kleenex. Soft, strong, and disposable. MUSTARD You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies! AHPIRODITE: Flies are where men are most vulnerable. JORGEN: Right! (Again, he realizes what he just said) JORGEN: Well, if it wasn't you, then who was it? Who had the dagger, anyway? It was you, Wanda, wasn't it? WANDA: Yes, but I put it down. CHIP: Where? WANDA: In the study. CHIP: When? WANDA: I don't know! Before I fainted, after I fainted, I don't know! But any of you could have picked it up. TIMMY: Hmm. Look. I suggest we take the cook's body into the study. JORGEN: Why? TIMMY: I'm the butler. I like to keep the kitchen tidy. 


	13. Vicky is gone

34 -- INT. GROUND FLOOR--THE STUDY -- 34 The camera faces the door that leads from the study to the hall. The men are carrying the cook's body into the study, effectively blocking off the women's view. CHIP: (dropping Mrs. Ho and pointing) Look! TIMMY and COSMO What? CHIP: The body's gone! Mrs. Ho is dropped. WANDA: What are you all staring at? COSMO: Nothing . . . WANDA: Well, who's there? JORGEN: Nobody. TIMMY Nobody. No Boddy, that's what we mean. Vicky's body. It's gone. COSMOS: Maybe he wasn't dead. CHIP: He was. COSMOS: We should have made sure! WANDA: How? By cutting his head off, I suppose. AHPIRODITE: That wasn't called for. COSMOS: Where is he? CHIP: We better look for him. They look around. COSMO: Well . . . he couldn't have been dead. CHIP: He was. At least I thought he was. But . . . what difference does it make now? COSMOS: It makes quite a difference to him. Maybe there is life after death. AHPIRODITE: Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage. COSMO: Maybe Vicky killed the cook! COSMOS and AHPIRODITE: Yes! TIMMY: How? Cosmo is at a loss. WANDA: Well, if you'll excuse me, I have to, um . . . (to Tixie) Is there a little girls' room? TIXIE: Oui, oui, madame. WANDA: No, I just want to powder my nose, thank you. Tixie is bewildered. Wanda steps over Mrs. Ho's corpse into the hall. Cosmos, wandering around, picks up something. COSMOS: What's this, Timmy? TIMMY: I'm afraid those are the negatives to which Colonel Joregn earlier referred. JORGEN: (Going for them) Oh, my God! COSMOS: Were you planning to blackmail him, Timmy? TIMMY: Certainly not! I'd obtained them for the Colonel, and I was going to give them back as soon as Vicky was unmasked. COSMOS: Mmmm . . . very pretty. Would you like to see these, Tixie? They might shock you . . . TIXIE: No, merci. I am a lay-dee. COSMOS: Oh, how do you know what kind of pictures they are if you're such a "lay-dee"? CHIP: What sort of pictures are they? JORGEN: They are my pictures, and I'd like them back, please. COSMOS: No, I'm afraid there's something in them that concerns me too. Chip snatches the pictures and holds them up to the light. CHIP: Let me see . . . AHPIRODITE: (looking) Oh, my. Nobody can get into that position. CHUP:(putting the pictures down) Sure they can. Let me show you. Chip starts to demonstrate with Ahpirodite on the couch. AHPIRODITE: Get off me! 


End file.
